The Black Dress

Let me intro by saying I think women and couples are changing the old “wedding that Mom wants” into something truly their own… but my time did not come until later.

My mom, bless her, who passed not one year ago, convinced me to do a more traditional-style wedding. The only thing I got out of was the nuptials being held in a church.

As with many aspiring brides, I grabbed some wedding magazines and flipped through the pages. Many beautiful fairytale dresses, but one particularly caught my eye — yes, the black one, the only black one in the entire magazine. This was the ’90s.

I recall this beautiful model on an extravagant staircase, elegant black lace and yet somehow rebellious — just like me!

I am never one to follow trends; I kind of always do it my way, picking and choosing things in life that catch my vibe. My mom always dressed perfectly — shoes matched the purse, the whole nine. My dad, on the other hand, a tailor by trade (forced by his father back in those days), was a rather hip and stylish man in the ’60s, then as time went on, he became — dare I say — unique?

So my style? I’d say it’s “fits just right,” flattering but different. Not on trend… or maybe a little.

So to get back to the wedding preparations, Mom and I went shopping. No black dresses to be found, and mostly very expensive. I was told that since I was a redhead, I shouldn’t wear white, so champagne it was! Sounded fun enough… but the dress I liked most was only $200, and my mom didn’t want it for that reason. I did like the suggestion the saleslady made — that she could alter it so I could Velcro the length off and presto, a cocktail dress for comfort! I liked that idea and sold Mom on it. To make her happy, I selected a rather expensive veil. There — we compromised!

I thought maybe I could even use it again as a cocktail dress, but it was too wedding-y after all, and it just sat there. Until one day I sold it to a very happy man who was buying it for his niece 😉 Ah, but we’ve come a long way now — he could have just told me it was for him, I already knew that. I had a shop where I sold old and new items; he tried it on and it fit perfectly, although he came back twice before he bought it.

So my best friend at the time — my husband — and I didn’t make it. But I have no regrets. He is a wonderful man and we are still friends. In fact, I attended his next wedding with my then-boyfriend. No one can seem to wrap their heads around that; I just never understood why… maybe I’m just different — an anomaly perhaps?

So this boyfriend — yes, I did marry him. And I don’t want to disappoint you, we are not married anymore. But as always, no regrets. Life is about learning, growing, and finding happiness. Sometimes our path might have curves and dead ends; we just have to turn around and enjoy what life brings us next!

Back to this second wedding: I knew Italians have big weddings and are very generous with gift-giving, but I had already done this, so I gave him the choice. It was his first wedding. His dad had passed, but his mom was still alive and active, and I thought he would let her lead the way… but he asked what I wanted. Sooo, I said, “You know in that movie Braveheart? The way they just steal into the woods at night with the pastor meeting them — something like that.” Well, he insisted we do that then. I knew it wouldn’t go over well with his family, but okay — let’s do that!

So the dress — I actually went to Salem. Yes, “witch” Salem. Not that I needed to necessarily, but I had seen a cute shop years before that had amazing dresses, so I took a trip by myself. And there it was: black lace, plunging neckline, pagoda sleeves, and it dragged a bit in the back — perfect!!

It was beautiful. We both looked amazing. We met the justice of the peace, our favorite friend couple, and along with my then four-year-old son, stole into the woods by lantern light. My partner had picked a spot near the water, and that’s where we did our nuptials, complete with a handkerchief I had embroidered.

We had a sitter and went and had dinner with our friend couple at a really lovely, cozy place. 

A few weeks later we did a combined — his birthday, my son’s birthday, and by the way, we eloped! — party, and had a great time celebrating life!

So there you have it. I got to wear my black dress. I finally did it my way! And now I am excited to hear what you want to do!!!